Weasel Words (Sneak!)

I first ran into the phrase "weasel word" when, some years ago, I researched the practice of "flipping" houses...and the even faster-growing industry of selling people information on how to get rich flipping houses.

Those selling books and seminars always advised neophyte flippers to include some weasel words or phrases in any contract they signed with a home seller. The purpose of these phrases was to allow the flipper to wriggle out of the contract if they couldn't find a way to make money on the deal.

I find a lot of similar phrases included for the same basic reason in the advertising of all kinds of products. Their purpose is to create certain impressions in the mind of the consumer, while allowing the company to figuratively shrug its shoulders and claim a mistunderstanding when those impressions turn out to be false.

"Up to" is one such phrase. So is "as much as."

• Lose up to five pounds per week taking our diet pill!
• Earn up to $5,000 per month running your own business!
• Save as much as 50% off on your electrical bill!

Keep in mind that if one person out of 1000 lost five pounds in a single week, or earned $5,000 in a month, or saved 50% on a single month's electrical bill using the product advertised, the advertiser can make that claim....even if the other 999 consumers lost, earned or saved next to nothing.

Another common weasel phrase? "Results not typical." How often have you seen that, especially when it comes to pitches for diets or exercise programs?It usually flashes on the screen in barely visible print, displayed just long enough for a very fast reader (I'm a very fast reader) to decipher. "Typical" means something that's "representative of a whole group" according to my dictionary. So this phrase actually counters what all those once-plump, now-perky people in the commercial are saying: "If I can do it--"using the advertised product, of course,"-- anyone can!" And when you find you're not an "anyone" and ask for you money back, you're told, "Hey, the commercial said the results aren't typical!"

Another of my favorites? "Flavor." Search for this word on food labels and if you find it, check the ingredients lists. That can with the big type that says "Hearty Beef Stew!" and the small type that says "Enhanced with beef flavoring" will probably contain just enough beef to be legal. The dog food that shows a cute pup licking his chops over a juicy slice of chicken? Check, and if you find the words "chicken flavored" on the label, you might find no actual chicken on the ingredient list, not even the ever-popular "chicken byproducts."

The big bottle of beverage with the strawberries and pineapples and peaches on the label, and the tiny type that says "fruit flavored"--according to the ingredients list, you'll be drinking mostly water and high fructose corn syrup, with a little artificial color and flavoring added. Yummmm!

Or how 'bout "Satisfaction Guaranteed!" I suggest you first get a definition of "Guaranteed." If the product turns out to be so badly designed that it's useless, does the guarantee consist of giving you an equally useless replacement? Or do you get your money back, but minus all sorts of fees for shipping, handling, restocking, etc.?

Then there's "in most cases." A company can say that as long as its claims for the product are experienced by even slightly more than fifty percent of a product's users. What about the other 49%?

Weasel words always involve some wriggle room, and that usually doesn't benefit the consumer. So ask for specifics, read the fine print, get it in writing, check the ingredients....cage the weasel.