Thursday, October 07, 2010

Sneaks: "We'll Send You an Extra One, Free!"

Sneak: An advertising or business practice that can be within the letter of the law, but might also be intended to deceive.

If you are among those of us who watch non-network TV, especially early in the morning or late at night, you're probably familiar with the type of commercial that pitches the "free" or "two for the price of one" line.

Yes, you too can have not one, but two of these fabulous products for one low, low price! Such products range from devices that keep dogs from misbehaving to sunglasses that will give you High Definition sight! (Sorry, but I permanently lost my high definition sight, at least when it comes to reading small print, about ten years ago.) Vitamins! Face creams! Diet aids! Sleep aids! Two for the price of one!  Free, but only to the first hundred callers!

Somewhere in amongst all this enthusiasm, you'll find the line, "Just pay separate shipping and handling." Sometimes it's just in small print on the screen.

But who cares about shipping and handling?  You're going to lose those ugly bags under your eyes, you're going to be slim and beautiful, your dog is going to quit trying to bite your invited guests, you're going to see the world in a new, beautiful golden light, and you're going to be able to sleep at night!


Besides, how much can the shipping and handling be?

I suggest you find out before placing an order. For example, you get two dog controllers for only $10, but the shipping and handling for each is  $6.99, so you end up paying a total of $23.98.  The bracelet (it radiates natural frequencies that help you sleep!) costs $19.95, but you get another one free, so that's less than $10 each....except shipping and handling for each costs $7.95, so you're actually out $35.85.

The free thirty day supply ("Try it risk free"!) of the fabulous cream that does--well, I can't quite remember what it does, but I know it's just fabulous!--has a shipping and handling fee of $11.80.  Now I'm sure that this cream--which is risk free!--contains a whole bunch of exotic and expensive ingredients, so if they're giving me a sample--free!--it must be because it's so wonderful that I'll keep buying it forever. That's how they'll make their money. That's why they're willing to let me try it free!

Of course, if it turns out that it's 10 cents worth of cold cream in a 20 cent container, that actually cost $1 to handle and ship, then the advertiser could send out tens of thousands of "free" samples, never have a reorder from a single customer and still clear $10.50 each.... less the cost of marketing, of course. But I'm sure that's not true.  I'm sure all these products are worth every penny.

Still....if you wait awhile, these things tend to show up at Wal-Mart.  I happened to be down there today and found both the dog controller and the HD sunglasses, each priced at  $9.88. (They were sitting right next to the microwave pasta strainer/cooker and the catnip-laced cat claw-filer.)  Buy two of either of these and you're still paying less than the cost of those great deals offered on TV....and if you find you don't like or need them--my dogs are actually pretty good at responding to shrieks of "Bad dog! Quit that or die!"--I'm pretty sure Wal-Mart will give you a refund. Refunds for shipping and handling charges, on the other hand, are a whole 'nother story.

Still....if I could just remember the name of that  face cream....

UPDATE:
I couldn't resist adding one more example....a certain piece of "fast and easy" cookware.  The things it could make looked delicious, it was pitched as cooking these goodies very, very quickly and I could get two--two!-- for only two easy payments of $19.95.  Hmmmmm. $40?  Keep one for myself, give one away as a present?  Except there was...you guessed it....separate shipping and handling for each cooker, at a price, I discovered, when I went to the product's website and looked at the tiny-print footnotes, of $14.95 each!  So that low, low $40 cost is now up to nearly $70.

I'll pass.

Don't call and order without first checking the cost of  S & H!

No comments:

Post a Comment